Are you as haunted by this little riddle as I am?

What keeps you awake at night, robs you of rest and calm and yet gives a sense of security and safety?

Manifest destiny.

For those of you who knew my work 15 years ago may have just choked on your matcha. It’s true. I’ve changed my stance.

Call it age, motherhood or enough spiritual bitch slaps in between, but I perceive that we are plagued by a pernicious virus. We unknowingly swallow this poison without question- it’s tasteless, odorless scum burrows its way into our psyches and takes over our bloodstream. It’s a living, highly intelligent form that preys upon our precious life force until its parasitical ways completely take over. It looks like you (but lacks radiance), walks like you (but with less swagger) and even talks like you (but with less heart).

Why is this so? Because we have bought the bullshit that we can completely manifest our destiny. Whatever we want, whenever we want, simply align with it and it will come to you. You too can have it all!
The problem with drinking the whole vat of Law of Attraction Cool-Aid is that it doesn’t consider or honor natural rhythms and life-centered ways. It lacks maturity and a breadth of understanding about systems thinking and the tradeoffs for the decisions we make.

I once had a co-worker, who was full of vile vitriol for our boss.
“I put a curse on him, the worst curse in the world,” he bragged.
“You whaaat?” I questioned.
“The worst curse in the world- May you have everything you’ve ever wanted, right now!” He replied with a shit-eating grin.

It rocked my socks. It was true. Had I really gotten everything my little manifesting mind had ever conjured, I would still be married to my Wasband (proun wuz-bund, as in former husband), would have climbed a corporate ladder to nowhere and wound up with lots of money in the bank and a depraved body and soul.

Thanks to my now Taoist husband, I’ve learned the virtue of wu-wei- the action of non-action. As in, stop trying to improve your current experience. Be with what is.

These days, I question more assumptions, poke at leaps of inference and try to use some critical thinking skills (look up the Hegelian Dialectic), to balance out my woo woo propensities. I see the downside and the tradeoff for not living in more harmony with my feminine, mercurial ways. I have done continual work to dismantle the tendency to extract, transact and get mine at the expense of the health and wellbeing of others. I’ve embraced an awareness that life begets life; that I am a part of and a co-creator of an incredibly dynamic web humbles me to my roots. I’ve sought out highly disparate views to better understand and humanize others so that I can have empathy and compassion for all of those parts of myself that I’ve attempted to amputate and dismiss. It means that I’ve worked (hard) at settling my body when I’m presented with people who are staunch (and aggressive) about their views so that I can stay in curiosity.

So, it doesn’t mean I’ve given up my vision board, but it does mean that I have tempered it with a focus on my internal ecology and to see myself as that I am.

And perhaps as a result of reading this, you too can consider the virtue of accepting what is and to hold both-and simultaneously.